Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
