woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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