Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
