then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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