You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
