She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
