During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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