I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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