the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
