I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
