I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
