I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
