Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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