Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
