we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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