So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
