my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize