Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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