Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
