Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
