Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
