I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
