Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
