Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
