Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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