Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
