ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
