I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
