It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
