You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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