i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
