Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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