He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
