I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
