seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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