3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
