So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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