I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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