Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
