guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need to stop coming to work sober
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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