That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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