Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
