LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
