So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
