Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
