yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
