their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
After last night, I could never be a politician.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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