Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
