Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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