This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
