I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
