this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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