i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
