I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
