Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
