Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
