did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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