he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
