this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
