Where did you get a picture of my penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
