then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
