just come out here and I will go home with you...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
