This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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