Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
