the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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