just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
