Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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