oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize